Lane

Whew.....what a emotionally, physically, spiritually exhausting 2 weeks we have had. And at the same time...spiritually building in every way! 

On January 5th, 2011 my sweet father-in-law passed onto the other side of the veil. He was working hard, taking care of his family, ending his day of business and something went wrong with his truck. I can't write the story....it's too difficult. I have spoken about it numerous times. Just yesterday I was given some insight into more of what could of happened...but I can't write it. Is it the words that bug me so? Why? It's strange.
if you want to know more..click here!

Last night while trying to sleep, I kept thinking about the big hole that is left here on this Earth. I feel like my family has lost something so great...it's a huge vacancy in my mind & heart. But we are just a small family of 7. Yes, he was our dad, father-in-law, grandpa and friend....and our hurt is large. I then start to think of others hurt and their longing for Lane....it's too much for my mind to take in. I try to put myself in their spot and it's a break down moment for me.

I learned a great deal over the past few weeks. Learned a few things and then was reminded of so much that I already knew....but had put it in the back of my mind.

I learned so much about my family. I am so proud to be a Hallows. This weekend I held my breath on numerous occasions, trying to stop time when witnessing someones mourning.
One I will never forget was when the love of my life pulled up in front of my home, beat down, in pain and beyond shocked at the news he had just heard from his brother.
I remember trying to not breath when I was talking to my sister-in-law on skype while the news was being delivered to us.
I tried to breath as Luke and I met with his family just hours after the accident for a meeting and a wonderful family prayer. Which a lesson was learned about the humility of kneeing in pray. (thanks jack)
I held my breath when witnessing 5 loving children express their gratitude, memories & powerful Testimony of their father Lane, Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father.
I held my breath when listening to a brother give the most perfect, calming, peaceful life sketch of his older brother.
I, again, held my breath when watching my own children react to the lost of the grandpa and to watch them witness their own father in so much pain.
I could hardly breath when we spent the afternoon in the Temple with all of our family. Watched as we were sitting there in a Sealing room being reminded of our Bond that goes so far beyond this life.
So many more times that were so personal to me and others, I dare not write them.

I was reminded that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. He wants us to be happy and live this life with Joy.
I was reminded that Heavenly Father will support us and draw us to better and higher heights if we will only allow him to.
I was reminded that there is only ONE way to live your life...if you want to be together with your family and in presence of our Heavenly Parents.
I really enjoyed this weekend. As much as it was unreal and seems to still be. I loved celebrating Lane and seeing all the people that loved him. All the different spokes of life that he had through out the past 61 years. What a wonderful example of forgiveness, love, endurance and humility.
This weekend made me reevaluate my life and what I want people to say about me at my funeral. I have a lot of growing and changing to do.

the way he sees it!

You know something is wrong when you are trying to explain to your 4 year old that teasing isn't nice and when you tease....it can cause many people pain. Here is the conversation I had.

Scene:
4 yr old & 6 yr old around the dinner table while doing homework. Creed (4yrsold) is mimicking Carter (6yrsold) and sticking his tongue out at him and snickering at him for having homework. Carter is having a meltdown due to the teasing and Mom (old yrs old) is tired of listening to them fight and pester each other. Finally Mom has to physically remove Creed because he won't stop and listen and it's the easiest way to get his attention....and quite frankly Mom has HAD it!
Mom takes Creed upstairs to have quiet and just explain the situation.

Mom: Creed, what happens to Carter when you tease him?
Creed: He starts to cry and yell.
Mom: Creed, what happens to Mom when you tease Carter and he starts to cry and yell?
Creed: Mom beats you up.

say what?

not the answer I was looking for. Maybe something like..."mom, gets mad and starts getting loud and maybe even yells once in a while".
Nope the way he sees it..".I beat him up."

Looks as if my parenting needs some adjustments...in so many ways!

Christmas at the Hallows

I just wanted to post a few photos of our Christmas morning and one of the traditions we have for Christmas morning....sticky pecan buns.

YUM

We hope your Christmas was wonderful!

What just happened.

I thought these photos were so funny and adorable. This happened at our family Christmas party in December.

While taking photos of everyone with Santa, Mr. Santa's hat fell off.

The expression of the young Santa Believer was Priceless!

Here are a few more photos of our wonderful Santa!

One we shall never forget!

You know as I sit here I think about what Santa is all about. My friend told me just a few weeks ago that she was explaining to her son that Santa was a feeling or an expression of giving. He is the Spirit of Giving. Well this Christmas our sweet Santa was just that. Grandpa Hallows was a sweet Spirit of Giving in every possible since of the word.. But the thing I loved most about Grandpa and his Spirit was he was a person that was amazingly forgiving. He didn't hold a grudge. Of all the things in life that could get you hung up on something or someone...it didn't to him. He had plenty of reasons to be angry or upset...but you'd NEVER know it. what a man....what a Spirit.

If this is the meaning of Santa, then I Believe!

I love my family.

duh!

Recently, we took a trip to the Mesa Temple to see all the wonderful Christmas lights and the amazing nativity display. While walking up to the temple the first thing we saw was the 3 wisemen on their way to Bethlemhem. Me, trying to bring a little awareness and spirituality to our visit ask the kids
"okay kids, look what I see, the 3 wisemen...who can tell me what they are taking to baby Jesus"
Carter's reply was perfect
"Camels...duh"

A few more photos from that night!

I got Wii'd

It's the strangest thing.

I play volleyball twice a week

I play basketball once a week

I lift my kids up and down and all around

I move boxes and tub around the house and garage

I jump on the trampoline with the kids

I ride bikes and run

I try to wrestle my husband

and my body feels great and surprisingly it doesn't get sore.

Christmas morning we pull out the paddle to the new Wii and my oldest daughter challenges me to a game of table tennis and wouldn't you know it....

I got a dang pinch nerve in my shoulder. So much that I can't lift my arm above my head or pull out a gallon of milk without a shooting pain going down my arm. As I sit here my shoulder throbs. It's funny and yet still hurts.

It wasn't like I played it all day long or played super crazy...it was the first game and it lasted a few minutes.

Lesson learned:
I must stretch out before playing video games with my kids.

Feliz Navidad Dancer

While watching Carter's Kindergarten Vocal Performance we spotted this ham on stage and couldn't take our eyes off of him.
So adorable!

Dec 21st...this is not a joke.

What do you do in the Wintertime, when all the leaves are gone?

We swim in a pool, to make ourselves cool.

that's what we do.

it's ridiculous

lastly, my love.

 I need to finish this thankfulness countdown with saying I am blessed to have a Best Friend that is so understanding, loving, hilarious, protective, smart and sexy. I know...I got the whole package when it comes to my LOVE.

It must be age, because lately I have started seeing photos of Luke and I differently. I would see them and look at him quickly and see only handsomeness and then my attention would go to me. To see if I had boogers in my nose, or crossed eyes or my double chin was rearing it's ugly self. I would see past what was in the photo. I would see the imperfections.

One afternoon I saw a photo of us. I don't know why...but I see this married couple that was standing next to each other. I saw this man and woman that were bound together for eternity and were partners. It was strange..maybe it was strange because I hadn't seen it that matter of fact before and it was only now, after 13 yrs of marriage that it was different.

When I saw that photo I started seeing a couple rather than individuals.

Am I weird?

I started wondering why I hadn't seen it before? There is a photo of us on our wedding day that, to me, shows a team that is going to conquer the world. I see us as this newly formed team that is in love and we are all we got. But, it's a new team. It's a team that hasn't been through a few years of challenges.

Then I see photos of our family and I see a happy little family that is growing and is experiencing life. I am so incredibly happy and proud and excited to have this beautiful family. Sometimes I wonder how Luke and I got such a blessed bunch of children...that love us!

But the photos of just us. It brings this feeling of pride up in my chest that feels like "that's me, that man and woman represent ME". 
I know, Luke is his own person and I am my own person...but we are also ONE.  Things he does, says & acts on...makes me do, say and act on. We are us. We are We. We are starting to sound like a dr. Seuss book.

The other day I tried to tell my thoughts to him. I told him that I was proud to be married to him and when I see our photo I see "MY MAN". Like clock work and in all of Luke's glory...he laughed. This would explain us! We have a hard time being lovey and smooshey. Let me clarify...We LOVE AND we SMOOSH it's just not the verbal kind.

I love my life and love my sweet husband and am so

Thankful to have him as MY MAN!

24th parents

I have been blessed with Goodly parents.

They have taught me:

to love
to learn
to listen
to watch
to be patient
to save
to preserve
to endure
to collect
to enjoy
to write
to sing
to dance
to play
to laugh
to cook
to be faithful
to pray
to serve
to live

I am incredibly Blessed!
What more can I say?

23rd's about sisterhood

I wanted to express my Thankfulness for my Sisters. I have been blessed to be surrounded by such amazing woman in my life. I have 3 of my very own, blood sharing sisters that came from the same womb as myself.  And 6 of my very own family sharing sisters. Ones that love & share the same family that I belong to. 

alli,ruth,mom,nic,sis,mignon,me,rob,mel

Goulding Family

My big sister Robbie is an amazing woman, one I have always strived to be like. Ever since I was a young girl I worked hard to be different than her in every way and then just like her in the same exact way. This would explain my confusion in life. I see we are both different, NOW....but still I can't help to be just like her. When a situation comes into my life I wonder...how would Robbie tackle this? She is MY only big sister....therefore plays a role in my life that will always be the same....my guide.

My little sister Helayna is a very serious person...yet cracks me up daily. Bug, as I like to call her & everyone else in the world, except maybe her bishop...is the closest in age to me. We are only 2 years apart...almost to the day. Therefore...we shared birthday parties for as long as I can remember. This helped our relationship from a very young age as  buddies. Bug and I speak almost daily on the phone and have such the memories. We have an understanding of each other that is so comforti/ng to me. Although we don't have the same lives...we are very similar in nature and humor...so it's a good pair. She pushes me to be better in so many things. She plays a role in my life as...my friend.

My youngest sister, Sisalee is one I can hardly write about and keep my eyes from flooding with tears. She is one I regret not knowing more about as a young girl. Going through school,  I was focused on me and my life and was surrounded by Robbie's accomplishments and Bugs friendship...I sort of forgot about my lil sis. I am so regretful about my attitude and selfishness towards Sisalee. Now as adults I see her and am in awe with her and who she is. She amazes me with her knowledge of the Atonement and inspires me with her relationship with Heavenly Father. I feel like I am constantly inspired by her and her faith in "everything is going to work out" attitude. She has taught me so much about myself and how to focus. She plays a role in my life as...my motivator.

My sis-in-law, Laur, has been around nearly as long as my youngest siblings. Not because she's old but because she dated my big bro in Middle/High School. In fact if she wasn't married to my brother..I would say she could be from my mothers womb...but that would be weird. Laur has always always been my teammate. I feel like she has been the Switzerland in our family. Always on every ones side. She is non-confrontational, happy, Spiritual & stays neutral...which is smart in our family.  She is a wonderful mom, sister and even more...she loves her husband and supports him in all their adventures. She has taught me a great deal about moving on with life and not dwelling on things that don't matter.

My youngest brother has a wife that is like no other. Sweet, Spicy and Seriously talented Nicole. She came into our family as the last in-law. A role I would say would be very difficult for anyone...except HER! She took the role and ran with it. Unafraid of the other sisters that already had been together forever and their relationship. I can honestly say....she is the perfect fit for Dusky therefore the perfect fit for us. She has so many talents and loves to share them with others. She is a blast to be with and understands our craziness.

Hallows/Smiths Family

Robin the Ruby in the family. The youngest sibling to Luke and the first sis I met. She is one in a million. She is fun, creative, spiritual and wonderful. I have loved watching her go from a 12 yr old young girl to her current age. She has stayed the same in so many ways...true, faithful and kind. Then there is this change that has happened over the past 5 years that has transformed her into this, this focused, serious and amazing woman. She is fearless in a way that leads her to many opportunities that blesses her life. I love this girl.

Melanie is the sister-in-law that I am the closest in age to. Our lives mimicked each other for the first 6 years of marriage. We married only 6 months apart, lived in the same town our first 1.5, traveled across the country to live and work with each other, had babies only a few months apart (twice) and find ourselves doing similar things still. I learn so much from Mel...from her Relief Society Pres. spirituality to her "simple is best" attitude. She has always been such a good friend to me.

Amy is my fellow Utahn sister-in-law. She understands my pain when it comes to missing our families and the area from which we came. She was raised just over the hill from me...but we didn't know eachoher until we became family. I feel like I have a special bond with Amy because we came from the same dirt and it's runs through our veins. It's been so much fun getting to know her over the past few years...she's a wonderful person and is the worlds best mover. She packed my fridge into the house all by herself...tough gal. She is such an example of not giving up and following through, even if it's difficult.

Ruth is the cook in the family. She makes the most incredible dishes when we have family parties. I am always excited to see what delish dish she will prepare. Something else I have learned about Ruth is She has a wonderful temperament that is patient and so at ease with everyone she comes in contact with.

Allison is such a creative mind when it comes to just about anything. She is a person that I have watched go through challenging times and have come out on top. She is the newest mommy in our family and it's been cool watching her devour her little boy. She is a great person and has taught me that if I want something I have to "JUST DO IT". Once she said to me "you don't have like it, you just have to do it" referring to running....but I use it to finish jobs almost everyday.

I am truly Blessed!

22nd

A little message from a Mormon message. Enjoy and really ENJOY whats around you.

Our minds have a marvelous capacity to notice the unusual; however, the opposite is true as well. 

The more often we see the things around us, even the beautiful and wonderful things, the more they become invisible to us. 

That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds, even those we love.  Because we see things so often we see them less and less. 

Those who live in thanksgiving daily, however, have a way of opening their eyes and seeing the wonders and beauties of this world as though seeing them for the first time. 

Look around you, notice the people you care about, notice the fragrance of the flowers, and the song of the birds.

Notice and give thanks for the blue of the sky, the red of the leaves, and the white of the clouds, every sight, every smell, every taste, every sound. 

When we open our eyes and give thanks for bountiful beauty of this life, we live in thanksgiving daily. 

A grateful heart then comes from expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for blessings and to those around us, for all they bring into our lives. 

This requires conscience effort, at least until we have truly learned and cultivated an attitude of gratitude.