37th bday!

I had a wonderful bday surprise! My parents drove from southern Utah to spend the weekend with us. It really made my month...actually year!
My dad came with a black chocolate cake in tote and when he arrived he topped it with a scrumptious fudge like icing! Oh, it makes my mouth water just thinking about it. It does a number on my waistline....but so good.
Then we had yummy burgers and my dad's famous spaghetti...with sausage, beef, squash, green peppers and all sorts of herbs and spices. I almost passed on the noodles and just ate the sauce...it's so good.
Then, my mommy creates some of the most delicious white chocolate, cinnamon rolls on one cookie sheet and then orange rolls on another. So so good! Again, there goes the waistline.
I loved having some time with my parents. They helped me tremendously with a roadshow I was in charge of for our ward. They were both such sports about running errands here and there. They picked up kids and things and helped put together props and send kids on stage. It was amazing. What a team they make.
We invited Luke's mom and step dad over for dinner and sat around the table shooting the bull and laughing at all sorts of different stories. Such a good time!

I was so sad to see them leave. I was on the edge of tears all day. It's nice to have them home from their mission and even better...having them here. Oh, we love them. My kids were in heaven having them here.
Can't wait to see them again.

My birthday choice!

This morning I was suppose to run 17 miles. 17 miles on the 17th of august..my 37th birthday!
 I have been mentally preparing myself all week. I ran 13.4 last weekend and knew this weekend would be a doozy. I was scheduled to run Saturday morning...but with many things that came up regarding church events. I chose to run this morning. Luke was taking the day off for my bday and I decided had the alarm set for 4am. The problem was I had my alarm to go off at 4am on Saturday...not Friday. So at 3:09am I woke up and saw I had another hour of sleep....great. So thrilled. I fell back into a very shallow sleep..just enough to have a crazy dream about Luke hiring a maid and I threw a major temper tantrum. I yelled and screamed that I could scrub my own toilets. Anyhow...my strange dream forced my mind to wake up..at 4:45am. I missed 45 minutes of running...that's nearly 5 miles. That's so much when you re on a slight time crunch. But..I slid out of bed onto my knees and had a quick prayer of thanks and safety. I knew it was going to be about 3 hours of running/jogging and quite possibly walking...I wouldn't be back till 8am. Just missing all my kids before school. I normally wouldn't feel to bad about Luke getting everyone up and lunches and bfast made. But, for some reason it didn't set well with me. But, I had to get my miles in and so...I was off. 
Got all my gear on...sometimes I feel like a European in Zion National park. Camera, binoculars, fanny pack, tall socks with boots, their sun hat and then all the first aid kits and beepers and what ever they might have. 
On this morning I had my sunglasses on my head (for when I was running back towards the west  at the end of my run when the sun had finally made it's appearance for the day. I had my headphones all tucked away nicely throughout my shirt and out my sleeve. Those attach to my phone that is in a nice little pouch sock slid up my arm to my pit. I had my water belt strapped on around my waist with only one bottle. My route I picked put me by many gas stations for water stations...but there were about 7 miles of farm land with no liquid...so I put on the belt. 
I had my snot rag, handkerchief that I tuck in my waist band of my shorts. I am not a good farm blower...so I require the etiquette of a white hankie to keep my nose clean through out my run. And of course it is sprayed with Tea Tree oil...to keep my nose moist and smells that are good. Okay...then I had my dang long ankle sock to protect my bum ankle. YES....I am totally a tourist on the road. I think I weight 10 pounds more when running with less clothes. It's a freak show. 
Anyhow...all fueled up with my banana and water...I walk out the door to hear a really unfamiliar noise....RAIN. WHAT??

I stopped on my door step with my hand on my hips, and a million thoughts came to mind.

Go back to bed.
What a wonderful gift
Oh, enjoy this....you'll be sorry if you don't
My shoes will get dirty
What if someone hits me because they are paying attention to the windshield wipers and can't see me?
Go back to bed and run tomorrow
You re gonna miss your kids from school
Just GO

So, I got a ziploc for my phone so I wouldn't ruin that....and off I went.

Not sure of what I was doing on the dark, wet roads. My mind was screaming...go HOME! Was this my spirit trying to protect me from some foretold accident evolving a car and me? Or was it just going to be really hard today? 
I gave myself some timeline and parameters.
I would stay off certain roads that didn't have big shoulders if it was still raining when I got there. 
I would be willing to cut my run short if I felt like I needed to, to keep safe.
I would listen to the spirit.

I got to mile 2 and was on a road with a narrow shoulder and it was raining. Had a few cars not see me till they were right on me...not cool. You know all those thoughts that come to mind in a matter of a second?
"go home and see your kids before they go to school."
"you don't wanna die on your birthday"
"that Hummer could do so much damage to you...if they would of smeared you"
"it's flippin raining and you're running next to these cars"
"But it's a gift from God, I must enjoy it"

So...I decided...today my Spirit and Body won the battle. I was cutting my run short and going home to see my kids before they left to go to school. Carter had made a comment yesterday that struck me. You're not going to spend your birthday with us kids? Creed has been having some anxiety about school and repeating "Memphis, please let me be you..I want to stay home with mom". Shelby just needs a mom to love her and Lainie loves me. I thought about how...of all the days I wanted to be with my kids...today was it. 

Quitter? maybe
Lazy? Could be
Not determined to finish my weekly goal? Guilty

I quickly did a re-route of my run and figured I could get 10 miles in before I needed to be home to catch them before the bus. So...I did.
I loved hearing my phone tell me my time, mileage and pace. But I loved seeing my home more! 

I didn't run my 17 miles on the 17th on my 37th bday...but I don't care! 

When I got home and the kids were all off to school and Memphis just sits there with his face next to mine...like we can't live without breathing each others air....I realized how I might be pushing my limits a bit. 
Not necessarily with running. 
But, with connecting with my children and being present for them. 

Then this morning I came across this.....so loved reading this. Especially when I cut my run short because......well, because I love my family and needed them today.


"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They 

allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away 

from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s 

goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time 

working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and 

exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to 

prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire 

world" Do not try to choose it all!!!

Is it a sign?

Maybe I am not suppose to be running right now.
Maybe it's all a secret inside plot created by my inner sabotage self to not be prepared for this marathon.

A few months ago it was my knee hurting. I purchased some new kicks and my knee was better. It's amazing how that works...seriously like over night healing.
Then 3.5 wks ago, while playing an innocent, yet very serious game of vball I went up to block at the net and come down on my opponents foot. I come down and twisted...not smart. Sprain it pretty good. Played another game while it was warm and loose. Which was probably not wise.
I came home iced it, massaged it with lavender, cypress and lemon essential oils and then wrapped it up. I have done that since it happened and I feel like I could start running again this monday.
I did run, twice, last wk and shouldn't have..so stopped.
I got on my bike and it hurt my knees after 8 miles....I changed my seat maybe it was to low...seemed to help a bit.
Then just two nights ago...once the lights were all turned out in my home. I had to make a break to check on a kid and I kicked a laundry basket and sliced my toe open at the nail. Today it's oozy an bloody, thats awesome, for sure!
Oh...this is all on my right leg!!!
Ooooo Ooohhhweee, What's up with that? What's up with that?

Are these sort of sign to just stop running, eat ice cream and York peppermint patties all day and just don't be out there running?
Hhmm sounds good! But I think not.

Here's to my ankle being strong enough on Monday!

Cheers!

john wayned it

Yes..I did it.
I John Wayned it today.

John Wayneing it is a method very close to my heart...it's my dad's way of doing thing...once in a while.

I remember as a child during Christmas the tree would fall over every time you looked at it, breathed it's way or even thought about it. Actually it probably fell over once or twice..but because of the way it got handled...it seemed like it fell over numerous times a day. So, after it fell over one to many times for my dad...he grabbed his hammer, nails and showed that tree who was boss. I remember him on his knees under the nailing the tree base to the sub floor, through the carpet. Those type of methods he would call..."John Wayneing it."

So...I have these two rebellious rugs upstairs in my hallway. Every time you walk on them...they slide to the wall and start climbing up the wall. I mean they are just the most obnoxious things. I was thinking one night while shutting the brain off. "What can I do to fix these rugs so they can be there in the hall...but not move?" I know our carpet is cheap, so was not so concerned in that regard.
When we bought this house, we knew it had been worn....but can't be replaced, just yet.
SO...forget the carpet.
I knew I needed to be able to vacuum under the rugs. I had tried caulking on the back of the rug, rug tape...all to no avail. It was time to John Wayne it.

I went down stairs, got my hammer and nails and was instantly taken back to that Christmas when father dear nailed the tree down. A few of my kids surrounded me with a curious look on their faces as I proceeded to nail down two corners of those two rugs. I stood up, proud of my courage and walked away knowing I just made my father proud. (:

John Wayne always wins in the end.

crowded

I use to roll my eyes at people that would share their co-sleeping bed stories with me. They would tell about how their 2 or 3 yr old would still be sleeping between them and their spouse. I am sure I would of said numerous times "why, I never would do that", "that's just not right", Or "come on put your child in their own bed and be done with it".
You always think you know what's best for you...when you don't know.
I must admit I am a parent of a nearly 3 yr old, that has his own bed, but still sleeps in my bed...usually right in the middle, between me and my lover. It's true I am rolling my eyes right now thinking about it! But, he is my baby and he is Luke's baby and for some reason it's okay. He loves to sleep right up close to me. He usually sleeps on my arm or under my side.
He is my baby. There won't be another little baby in my house..so he must stay small!

The big problem is....I Woke up this morning with all my children in bed with me...no wonder I had a stiff neck. My sweetie had gone to work and I was left home in bed with 50 toes, 5 stinky mouths breathing fire towards me and a sliver of room to try to sleep in.
Of course this is adorable and I found a way to savor it... For about 10 minutes....then the back starts ceasing up and the legs gotta move. But how can I escape when I am sleeping with lainie, creed, and Memphis On one side, carter on the other and poor shelbs is on my feet?
I somehow made it out of bed with no injury to most...just a pinch in my neck and a back that needed a chiro.

But, what can I say... I love it!
I love my sweet lil babies!

Clean table.

Well, it's true.

I just vacuumed my kitchen table.

Happy Independence Day!

Today should be full of Freedoms!

Running on the streets this morning all by myself. A female out on the streets at sunrise in shorts and a t-shirt with the music I love to listen to.

Hitting the grocery store with my lover at 8am, buying food we want, with plenty to go around for those other last minute shoppers.

Being home with my kids as they turn their brains to oatmeal watching spider-man 2 & 3 as I...vacuum my kitchen table. (:

Going to the movie with a couple of friends that we like. To a movie that we choose at a time we like at a place we enjoy.

Swimming in a pool with all my children in a swimsuit that shows my arms and legs. In the same pool as a lady that wears a suit that neither shows her feet, legs, arms or hair. Yes, some middle Eastern lady swimming in a pair of levi's, long sleeve shirt and head covering as her husband is in a pair of swim trucks with his hairy middle eastern chest open to the world.....but hey....it's AMERICA!!! They can.

BBQ'ing with some friends and chatting about life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

Then finishing it all off with a firework display to mark the birth of this Country that allows us to have a day like this!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Focus /  (refocus)...by definition:

1. To converge on or toward a central point of focus; be focused.

2. To adjust one's vision or an optical device so as to render a clear, distinct image.

3. To concentrate attention or energy:

This is my Middle of the New Year Goal!

Husband
Children
Humor
Happiness
Home
Community
Surroundings
Being me

Tis the season!

Birdie has turned into a Bee

For the past 4 months or so, Lainie has been counting down til her 12th birthday. She has been planning and preparing her menu, party activities, gifts & whatever else comes with a birthday. She has been so excited and could hardly wait till May 1st would come.
In the back of the excitement, people would ask me "are you feeling old, now that you have a child that is turning 12"? I would think about it and always say "NO". I don't feel older for having a 12 year old. I know I am! I know everyday I get one day older...that's obvious. But, I don't feel it. I think a birthday is like any other birthday...One year older! They are fun and, sure, they are a milestone. But, it's expected and we all know its gonna happen.

So May 1st came and we had a small celebration for bfast with waffles, gifts and decorations.
The afternoon brought a little celebration at school...with me taking cookies (no bake cookies, just what Lainie ordered) to her class and whomever was out on the playground that was in arms reach of the bucket.
The evening brought dinner @ the Cheesecake Factory with Lainie's grandparents, Shelby, Luke and myself. The boys were watched at home by Aunt Robin, Uncle Tane and baby Lei. We were able to enjoy our dinner, conversation and just look at Lainie changing before our eyes.
She was so afraid of the attention that would take place if I told the waiter that it was her bday...she didn't want them to sing to her....NO dessert was worth it. BUT...of course I didn't listen (i wanted cheesecake!) So the waiter brought her a delicious cake and asked the few tables around us to join in and sing to her. They did and she smiled and acted so good about it. She's a trooper.
It was a fun evening!

Wednesday, for Lainie, was the official first day of Mutual. She had a great time and was so happy to be attending.

Thursday was just a normal fun day.

Friday was her bday party.
I worked all day preparing for her party and Father & Sons camp-out. Both on the same day and both requiring many "last minute" items.
My day started at 530am and did chill until 11pm.

The girls showed up at 5pm at our home and then we all drove over to Mimi and Papa's house for a swim & BBQ party. The girls swam while I cooked up some burgers. Of course they turned out like little "white castle" burgers...so small and laughable. I had to run tot he store down the road to get more so the girls didn't starve.  Thanks to Mel, Ruby & Tane for being the lifeguards while I left.

We served the girls  yummy drinks & strawberry shortcake for dessert. It was a fun evening. we finished the evening off by coming back the house and watching a movie. All the things that Lainie wanted to do. Our evening ended with me taking a few girls home around 10pm.
Once I returned I saw, in my driveway,  Luke's truck on a trailer being towed by his brother. WHAT THE HECK! This is another store for another day.

Anyhow...my dear baby girl turned 12 and had a fun week and weekend.
Sunday was the icing on the cake for me.
Our ward is very cool. THe YW's program really does some neat things to celebrate their new girls. On Tuesday morning we found a huge cut-out of a bday cake in our front yard to recognize Lainie. On Sunday the Bishop presents or introduces the YW in front of the ward and gives them a name. He is an institute teacher for his job and he studies Hebrew and Greek. Well...after the kids interview he thinks of an uplifting and encouraging name from either Hebrew or Greek. He tells the entire congregation what it is and he remembers them by that name for the rest of their stay in the ward. He is a great Bishop. Anyhow...this was suppose to happen this Sunday. AND...the YW's beehives and instructors all come into the Primary room...dress Lainie up in a bee outfit (so cute) and walk her back to the YW's room to introduce her to the rest of the girls. It's a big deal and she was so so looking forward to it.
Well, due to Baby Niece Lei's Blessing taking place at the same exact time as our sacrament mtg we decided it was the right thing to do and attend that instead. It was hard for Lainie to skip her big day but once we talked about it and what it meant to Dad to be part of Lei's day and what it meant to him to be part of Lainie's day, which could be switched, she came to an understanding of what was right to do. So...we skipped our sacrament mtg and went to the Blessing. HOWEVER, we ran straight back to our church for the last hour of the block so the YW could present her to rest of the group. She was thrilled and excited and it was so much fun.
This Sunday...Bishop will introduce her to the ward and it will end up to be a win win for everyone.

So, back to my orignal thought of writing this post....do I feel older for having a 12 year old. I didn't feel any different until I watched her sit down in Young Woman's with a room full of beautiful, confident, unsure, shy, excited, amazing & outstanding girls. I didn't feel old..I felt so blessed and overwhelmed. I stood back in the corner of the room as the girls sang happy birthday to her and then proceeded to sing about their Saviors love and sacrifice for them. I watched her take her place among these girls and I cried.

I remember being in YW's and how it was so different than Primary.
I felt so happy for her and so excited for her to start this new milestone in her life.
What a sweet girl.
I would say...I felt so Proud!
Oh, I love this child.

STOP IT!

This talk that I have attached below was one that has brought up so much for me.

I have to say...it's been a talk that has created a stir in my heart.
I am so guilty of so much of what Pres. Uchtdorf talks about.
I have been bitten by the jealousy bug and it control a great deal of my life.
I envy many, strive to be like others in different aspects of my life, work hard at justifying my ill feelings towards some, based solely on my short comings, .

I have been made aware or reminded of my sins from this talk and it's been ever since I heard this talk that I have felt sort of mad. Not at others...but at myself. I must admit I sort of dreaded facing people because I didn't want to have those thoughts or feelings come to the surface.

I was called out and didn't like it.

I know what President Uchtdorf is saying is straight from the Lord and is for all of us...but I really took this one to heart....it was for ME!

There are many people in my life that I punish internally within my mind because of their fortunes or talents. It occupies my mind and clutters my thoughts.

I have listened to this talk just once...until this morning.
I knew what it was about..I listened very intently back at the first of April during conf.  and didn't want to be reminded of my sins again. But, it wouldn't leave me. I knew this was something I very much needed to STOP.  I have really been aware and making efforts to stop a thought of not being good enough or my intent of a task..."why am I doing this?" "why do I need this in my life?" "is this for you or to prove something?"
I have had to really reevaluate my thoughts and actions and self!

It's a good thing for sure.

I need to say...all of these ill feelings and thoughts are completely directed from my "not feeling worthy enough". It has nothing to do with others being mean to me or judgemental towards me. However, I sometimes feel judged by others...not because of a good thing I have done...but based on something that I am falling short in.
This is hard for me to swallow.
I have to STOP my thoughts and instantly remind myself that we are all in different stages in our lives and we are all different. NOT to take things personal.

This is so much easier said than done and it all sounds so wonderful on the page...but in reality...it's so HARD.

I tear up thinking about all that is swimming in my mind right now.
With just where I have been so wrong with others treatments towards me and my treatments towards others. My thought patterns, my actions and my goals....all based on such a lie. The lie being...it's not about anyone else...just about ME!

Over the past 4 months I have lost focus! So..this talk couldn't of come at a better time for Me and my internal goals.

I still feel raw to myself and exposed and yet very guarded to most people. I try to act normal, but I am so unsure of me and where I need to put my feelings towards my surroundings. It's scary and ackward.

I think I am just needing to refocus and close the outside noise off. .....but I have always loved the distractions....but it's just noise!!

Yesterday at church I was reminded to read my Patriarchal Blessing and focus on finding an answer to a problem within it. In my mind, I was instantly shown a line in my blessing that says, basically "don't let the things that don't matter, take the place that really does". SO....fits my life...always!
SIMPLIFY in every way.

anyhow...I have had these things on my mind for a month and needed to vent it somewhere. Talking about it to my husband sometimes falls on ears that say "Yeah, I know you are like that but I love ya anyway". So...to just put it out in the universe is where I needed to go with this.

Watch this video and see if you're touched the way I was with forgiving others and most importantly Forgiving ourselves!

STG Marathon 2012 committed!

Tonight I did something that I feel like is going to change my outlook on life.
I am already seeing it effect me and it's still 5 months away.

These past 2 months maybe longer I have been awaiting the registration to open for the St. George marathon. It opened on April 1st and I delayed.

I have been thinking about running a marathon for maybe a year....but didn't really really think I would until the first of this year. I can't say I have always wanted to run one...but I think in the back of my head I can honestly say I have thought it would be cool for many years. I remember writing this post and I remember the way I felt when I watched different people accomplish this difficult goal. I had a bit of jealousy in my soul...maybe it wasn't jealousy but yearning to be in their shoes. Yearning to feel that feeling of accomplishment. 
I long for it.
I remember seeing a photo or a commercial of a young lady running in a forest somewhere. There were leaves dancing behind her from her feet's path and she had a sense/look of peace on her face. I wanted that. I wanted to enjoy a kind of running that  didn't look painful. I think you will always have pain when you run...as far as it not being easy....but peace in my head and body is now what I strive for. I know "anything good is worth fighting for".
I am so interested in pushing my body/mind & spirit to new places.
I am still very timid when it comes to this for so many reason.
One could be failure.
One could be hard work. Not that I am afraid of hard work....but this is a choice I am making. Some things that are hard you HAVE to do because there is NO other choice. This is a conscience choice I am making and so it's gonna be hard.
One could be commitment to follow through all the way.

These aren't "could be's" they are "Are be's" not arby's.....but they "are" things that stop me from doing things that are uncomfortable and the things that could really push me and change me. It's hard to be uncomfortable and change....but I need a little of both.

So the past few weeks I knew I needed to register before it closed on may 1st. I knew I wanted to...but was nervous.
This week I feel like I have been sabotaging myself in different ways.
Eating ridiculously, Not getting up and running my regular schedule, Not running as far when I do, staying up late....it's like I have been unconscionably been proving to myself that I can't commit, I can't do this...see, you stayed up late. See, you ate 3 cupcakes. See, you slept in for the past 3 days. You can NOT be ready for this run.
That made me mad that I saw myself going there...so I did it!
Yesterday I filled out the form to register and did it real quick, so I wouldn't think about it to long. I hit the Submit button, and wouldn't you know it....my visa card numbers were put in wrong so it didn't complete the transaction. Another chance to back out???

I had to physically go back and re-enter the number again and recommit myself, almost double check my brain for that strength to really commit....I sat there with the cursor hovering over the submit button and then I remembered what inspired me to want to do this and I clicked the mouse and was on the roster.
OF course not as myself....because I didn't want to be put in the lottery...so I registered as my sis-in-law. It's cool...no name in the paper as myself...but the chance to say.."I finished a marathon".

Now I need to re-focus myself on all levels.
Mentally, physically and most importantly Spiritually! I feel so close to the Spirit when I am running. I pray every morning for strength and thank HIM for my body that can run. When I finish my run...I again say a quick pray of thanks for safety and health and strength to be patient that day...especially when I am tired!
I am excited, and I would be totally lying if I didn't say also super nervous, for the next 5 months of training.

This will be fun!
want to be inspired?
Watch this!!

Saw a beautiful sunrise this morning on my run with my love. The sun is coming up so much earlier than just last week. It's crazy to actually see the road at 545am, and things that I have been running by for the last 3 months...I didn't know there was a water fountain right next to the road until this morning.

Light is good!
Light is safe!
Light is warm!
Light is enlightening!

February 2012 running Milage

Annoying to some...but for me..I want to track my mileage for the next bit.
Week 1...21.67 miles
Week 2...24.77 miles
Week 3...22.32 miles
Week 4...31.25 miles
last wed...5.56 miles

Total: 105.57 Miles

I loved this months running. I pushed myself a little bit more. I pushed my legs and my brain just a bit more. I loved the training schedule and loved my weekend runs.

this was a good month for me.