STOP IT!

This talk that I have attached below was one that has brought up so much for me.

I have to say...it's been a talk that has created a stir in my heart.
I am so guilty of so much of what Pres. Uchtdorf talks about.
I have been bitten by the jealousy bug and it control a great deal of my life.
I envy many, strive to be like others in different aspects of my life, work hard at justifying my ill feelings towards some, based solely on my short comings, .

I have been made aware or reminded of my sins from this talk and it's been ever since I heard this talk that I have felt sort of mad. Not at others...but at myself. I must admit I sort of dreaded facing people because I didn't want to have those thoughts or feelings come to the surface.

I was called out and didn't like it.

I know what President Uchtdorf is saying is straight from the Lord and is for all of us...but I really took this one to heart....it was for ME!

There are many people in my life that I punish internally within my mind because of their fortunes or talents. It occupies my mind and clutters my thoughts.

I have listened to this talk just once...until this morning.
I knew what it was about..I listened very intently back at the first of April during conf.  and didn't want to be reminded of my sins again. But, it wouldn't leave me. I knew this was something I very much needed to STOP.  I have really been aware and making efforts to stop a thought of not being good enough or my intent of a task..."why am I doing this?" "why do I need this in my life?" "is this for you or to prove something?"
I have had to really reevaluate my thoughts and actions and self!

It's a good thing for sure.

I need to say...all of these ill feelings and thoughts are completely directed from my "not feeling worthy enough". It has nothing to do with others being mean to me or judgemental towards me. However, I sometimes feel judged by others...not because of a good thing I have done...but based on something that I am falling short in.
This is hard for me to swallow.
I have to STOP my thoughts and instantly remind myself that we are all in different stages in our lives and we are all different. NOT to take things personal.

This is so much easier said than done and it all sounds so wonderful on the page...but in reality...it's so HARD.

I tear up thinking about all that is swimming in my mind right now.
With just where I have been so wrong with others treatments towards me and my treatments towards others. My thought patterns, my actions and my goals....all based on such a lie. The lie being...it's not about anyone else...just about ME!

Over the past 4 months I have lost focus! So..this talk couldn't of come at a better time for Me and my internal goals.

I still feel raw to myself and exposed and yet very guarded to most people. I try to act normal, but I am so unsure of me and where I need to put my feelings towards my surroundings. It's scary and ackward.

I think I am just needing to refocus and close the outside noise off. .....but I have always loved the distractions....but it's just noise!!

Yesterday at church I was reminded to read my Patriarchal Blessing and focus on finding an answer to a problem within it. In my mind, I was instantly shown a line in my blessing that says, basically "don't let the things that don't matter, take the place that really does". SO....fits my life...always!
SIMPLIFY in every way.

anyhow...I have had these things on my mind for a month and needed to vent it somewhere. Talking about it to my husband sometimes falls on ears that say "Yeah, I know you are like that but I love ya anyway". So...to just put it out in the universe is where I needed to go with this.

Watch this video and see if you're touched the way I was with forgiving others and most importantly Forgiving ourselves!