This pregnancy has been a little bit of a challenge for me in terms of my mind. I have felt great....hardly any sickness has accompanied this baby, which I love. But, my mind has gotten the best of me as far as my weight gain. I have really let it take my mind and just about put me in a tail spin for freakishness.
Over the past 25 weeks I have not really looked at my body for what it currently is. Over the past 25 weeks I have been looking at my body as a normal body that is just gaining weigh at every corner. I have been looking at my body as a 33 year old woman that should look the same with this pregnancy as I did with all my others. I have been seeing myself as a person being taken over by layers and layers of myself. I have failed to see that I am carrying a little baby. I know it sounds strange but I often forget that I am even pregnant. I think with being a mom to 4 other kids and feeling quite well...it's caused me to forget that there is a human growing inside of me. Thus...I have struggled with seeing past the BOTTOM that has grown on the backside of my body.
UNTIL...about 5 days ago. I don't know why, but for some reason this time I breezed past my full length mirror I got a glance beyond "ME". I saw this big belly attached to the front of me and it occurred to me that I was using my body as a suitcase for the time being, a place of rest for my child, a place for my little sweet boy to grow.
When this reminder happened I thought "heck rennie, You know this....why do you need this reminder?" Maybe I am so hormonal that my brain is really being sucked of any reason or any normal thoughts...but it hit me!
So...I decided to come to grips with the 25 pounds I have already gained and still have 15 weeks left. I decided to come to grips with the fact that this body is only temporary and it's more important to be healthy in my mind than be so ticked off that I have grown so. I thought about the fact that this would be my final pregnancy in my lifetime and I really needed to enjoy it!
I felt good, I felt better and it was going to be an enjoyable and savoring experience to have this baby inside my womb for only 15 more weeks.
Then today happened....while at the pool with my girls I got brought back to my senses of this body of mine that isn't really mine at the moment.
While putting on my sun dress and then removing my swim shorts...ever so modestly so nobody would see my bottom....my sweet and honest oldest child got a glimpse of my legs.
She took one step towards me lifted up my dress to sneek a peek at my thigh. Once the look happened she smiled and said "that's ugly". My response was "what's that? what's ugly? My leg?" I looked at her for a reply back to my questioning...and her reply was nothing. I said again "what's ugly, My leg?" She then makes this little sound like "sss". Once more, I said "WHAT, my leg is ugly?" again...I hear "sss" come from her lips.
Finally all the pieces came together for me...
Not only was one leg ugly... she was putting the plural on leg for me. When I would say Leg. She would say "sss" for "legs". I looked at her with a half smile and asked her why she thought my leg"s" were ugly. She simply said "their so big, no offense mom" (which happens to be her new response after offending someone) I had to say "well Lainie, I am offended, that hurt my feelings and you shouldn't say mean things to people like that, be nice to the mom". "Well mom, it's the truth", she said. I told her sometimes people don't want to hear the truth if it hurts....like a pregnant lady...like ME!
I know she wasn't trying to hurt me and she was being a honest.
However, a simple word to the wise....keep your "ssss's" to yourself, please!
7 comments:
Rennie, I gained way more weight during this pregnancy than I needed to. Towards the end, I didn't care anymore and eat whatever. I don't dare get on the scale, I know how you feel. Except my kids all tell me I'm hot, ha ha!
I know what u r talking about! I have a boss who every time I see freaks and says your huge are you sure you arn't having twins, you make me nervous are you going to have the baby here?
I want to smack her, but then I's loose my job.
Ummm - still not feeling for ya. :)
Ren, I am so sorry. I think you are so stinkin' cute when you are prego. It is different being a the same person, but housing a child for 40 weeks. I don't mean to be rude, but think about how quickly you will be back to yourself and (how lonely your little belly will feel) :( Ren I love you and would give my legs the run down for 40 weeks. LOVE YA!!!!! I agree though, keep it to yourself, I get it sometimes from Alex and I am not housing a sweet angel from Heaven. Give those kids a giant hug and kiss.
If I wasn't crying I'd be laughing. How about taken this BIG 'OLE BODY for a spin....with no child growing inside. You'll be back to your littleness so soon and you'll be looking at your new little jr. and a twinge of sadness will hit that its your last. So enjoy it! I can't wait until Jr. gets here, but take it easy so you don't stress yourself into bed rest. Okie Dokie! Love ya.
well, I thought I was hot stuff during my first pregnancy, then I looked at the pictures later..AHHH! Scary! I guess my butt had to act as a counterbalance for my growing belly. But I agree with what your sisters say...enjoy your last pregnancy while you can, cuz you'll lose the weight so quick you'll forget anything happened! I'm glad you're feeling good! I wish those epidurals would work for you...:(
Girl, I feel your pain. My leg(sss) are still ugly. You are beautiful, and will be back to your normal self in no time. Remind me, when are you due?
I miss seeing you guys over the fence, but you all look happy. Glad things are going well for you down there.
Hugs,
Ali T.
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