give me strength!

Today was a rough day for me.
Not the entire day just from about noon to 3:00pm. I had taken all the kids to our traditional Monday morning volleyball game at the church and had a great time. Not much exercise but always a ball with those ladies. Once I ran a few errands and got home I decided I would go for a quick 3 miles run while the baby was sleeping. Prepared myself by getting my ipod, sunglasses and hat and then telling the kids I'd be right back.
Before I had stepped out the front door my mind had changed and it was going to be a questionable 3 miles...maybe only 2, because the kids were here by themselves and yada yada yada, excuse excuse excuse. I got outside with my hat that from the get go was annoying me for some reason and then I realized I hated the bra I was wearing and again, any excuse or reason to not have to run the initial 3 miles I had set out to do, was crossing my mind.
I got on the road and my sweet daughter yelled out the window..."bye mom, see you later". I then vocalized to her "oh, I am only going 2 miles, so I will be back sooner". I knew at that point this was going to be an interesting run.
You see...My mind has two brains. The strong, determined and "you can do it" side and then the "oh hell rennie..go home and take a load off, today isn't your day to run or be awake" side.
My goodness...the weak side is SO strong and it makes me ANGER. Maybe I am a multi-personality person. In my mind I know I can do things. I know I am strong. I know I can do what I want to do or need to do. Then that weak side will stomp right on the face of the strong side and mush it into teeny tiny pieces. IT'S a flippin joke.
Today...I got my first mile in and just barely made the turn to continue to the next mile before my weak side took me back home. I ran the next .5 mile and could tell I was so in my head. I was getting mad and then it was wearing on me. I was distracted by everything and so ticked. At one point after stopping to walk I just stopped my feet all together and had an argument in my head between the two sides.
YEP...I am nuts!
I was determined to finish this dang 2 miles strong and running. Which I did...(but nearly died.)
I was so mad and frustrated and disappointed in myself, because I had gone farther and felt like a million bucks.
I couldn't believe I allowed my mind to be that strong when being weak.
I walked through my front door, threw my shoes off, threw my ipod in the cabinet, marched straight to the shower (huffing and puffing and pouting) and turned it on straight COLD. I couldn't believe that was so HARD. What is my deal.
I try to look in the mirror and see beyond my face. What is in there? Who is this person staring back at me?  I see this 35 year old face but the inside is just as young as a 25 year old. But I am NOT 25. So who is this person REALLY. I accept my age, I accept my body...but they seem like two different people. I could hardly look at myself today..so anger with just letting my mind close my body down...just because it was tired.
What is it that makes people tick to drive them to run marathons, or iron mans or just say no to junk food? What is it that allows their minds to just get outside their bodies and push through? I want that!!
I want to not have the constant fight in my head about wanting to eat something, knowing it's going to undo everything I just did and then just eat it in spite of myself. Seriously...I think I am crazy.
I want to just have that desire to push through. I felt like I was gaining it over the past few months. I was feeling so proud of myself with going longer distances or shortening my time or just simply enjoying running in a straight line. But today, well today just pissed me off.
NOW...what am I going to do with this.? This will be the real test for me. Am I going to stop and pout? Am I going to let this sucky day get the best of me? I want to say NO!
I have talked to a few very wise people after my mental breakdown today and I figured.
I HAVE to keep moving.

pray for this nuts-oh

Not the Temple...but a close second!

There is a place on this earth that makes my heart full.
It heals my insides and makes me feel HOME.

When I think of it...my heart gets butterflies in it, my tummy starts to do flips and I get antsy to BE THERE! My brain turns selfish a bit and I think...I don't care who goes with me...I just want to go. When I get it in my mind that I am going...either you re on board or not...but I gotta get there.
Infact, writing this post today...makes me teary eyed to be THERE! I must be homesick, slightly.
It's a place anyone can go.
It's a place that God created for us.
It's a place I could be all by myself and not feel lonely.
However, with all this said...I love love love to share it with people that haven't experienced it before, and of course I love to go with people that appreciate it as much as I do. Lastly...I love that my children love to go there.
Here are a few photos of our last few trips to my Heaven on Earth.
I hope my next trip to Utah has a few visits to this wonderful, healing, amazing place.

Who's with me?


2010 with Mom & Parkinsons




2008 with Robbie and the kids




2007 with my Parents and Lainie
early morning hike



I LOVE Zion

name change

If you could change your name..or let's say you had to change your name....what would it Be?

The cutest little girlie shoes

Have you EVER placed your eyes on a pair of shoes so darling in your darn LIFE?

My SIL is so crafty and makes these baby girl shoes and more....beanies, scarfs, head bands, adult shoes, purses, blankets & rugs. The list goes on.

Want to see some of her products? Check her out!

Oh Rocky.

Shelby: Mom, his nose is strange.

Me: Well, he is  boxer and he has gotten punched in his face for a long time.

Shelby: Look mom...see it's strange it does that. (smashing her own nose down)

Me: Yeah I know....he has been punched square in the face a few time over his life.

Shelby: Well...Rocky's nose doesn't do that.

Me: Say what? HUH?

she cracks me up!

the 14th is love day!!

I love what Valentines represents.  I don't get all crazy on the day with decor and such...but I do love feeling loved and showing love. Some people don't love Valentines and some people just out and out hate the day that celebrates LOVE.
For me...it is about love and kindness and especially kissing.

This day marks an anniversary for me and my LOVe...it marks the day that we had our first kiss. well what we called a "2 second spitless WONDER." And boy was it ever!

(I was intructed by my College Institute Dance that this is how your  kisses should be when newly dating someone...tender and spitless.) It was a big joke in our class...

The night of our First Smooch!

Little Story!
We had gone to a dance that night at the college and he drove me home afterwards. He had been home from his mission for 1.5 months and we had been dating since then, and kissing had never happened. DOn't get me wrong..I think we both wanted to smooch, but it just didn't happen.......UNTIL that night.
The night of LOVE. (oooh aahhh)
While standing in my driveway face to face he asked me a very honorable and respectful question
"Can I give you a 2 second spitless wonder?" We both giggled and then my answer of course was "YES".

And history was made right then.

3.5 months later we were married, sealing our Eternities together over the alter at the Temple with a LONGER spitless (probably not really spitless) WONDER! And it was Wonderful.

this year marks our 14TH year of kissing!

(smoochy smooch!)

NOW...13.5 yrs later...we celebrate Valentines with our 5 babies. YES, it was a great kiss!

What's for dinner?

I need some assistance from anyone that reads this.

Oh, a half a year or so ago...I came across this blog that had a weekly & monthly dinner schedule/menu for you....cute little holders that your menu would go in for the week....a wonderful way to prepare your shopping list so you didn't buy what you didn't need or what you might need or what your gonna need, one day.

I know that the blog was from some ladies, I think from Utah...but can't say for sure. The whole deal was fantastic and already prepared for you...a no brainer.

I am sure that the little holders that they made were all done in their kitchen with their very own sewing machine. Very creative and such a wonderful idea.

For the life of me...I can't remember how I found the blog and am in real need of it.

if any one knows what I am talking about....please help and leave me a comment on how to find these ladies again.

thanks

to dream or just to be, that is my question.

I have been wondering over the past few days what happens to our childhood, young adult dreams? You know the ones that we have when we are asked in 5th grade "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Or the ones that we create in our mind when we see an occupation and it mesmerizes us into knowing...."that's what I want to do when I get older".

I was struck with this thought the other day when I came across a few friends on Facebook. I remember when we were younger and I remember what their passion were.

I remember one of my friends, from High School, loved to sing. It's was a love, a talent and it was gonna be a career. Oh, and my cousin....that's all she did all day, was sing. She was in every choir class in high school and college. She sang for the old folks homes and the reunions and the assemblies and the for the birds. If any one was gonna be a singer in "REAL LIFE" it was going to be her.
Okay, then there was this one guy from college that played on the college football team. He was scrawny but had muscles and not really built for football. I would say he looked more like he played soccer. I have to add that the position he played for the football team, says it all. He played KICKER. Anyhow, he was also in my college band class. He played the trumpet and was really good. When I got to know him better I found out that he had a band. They were really good. They played music that is popular now...but was strange then. I am talking about 13 yrs ago. I knew he was going to make this a career. He didnt' tell me that...but I was sure. I suppose it was my dream for him.
Then there is this guy that wanted so badly to be a firefighter. When he grew up he went to all the little firefighter camps and clinics. I don't really know what their called...but that sounds appropriate. When he got older he still had a bit of a drive to do it. When he drove past the Firehouse....there is this slight longing to be there.
Lastly there is ME...I wanted to be a Graphic Designer. I went to college clinics and these little day camps during the summer. What happened to that dream. I still want that in my life.
I suppose LIFE is what happens. We get jobs through our friends father or our family or we just find a job that pays enough to survive....then we get stuck.

All of these people that I write about have jobs and are living that "REAL LIFE" but none of them are doing what they loved. I need to say...that these were their dreams while they were young and thought anything is possible.

At what point do we lose that? At what time in our lives do we cross this line and say "alright I am ? yrs old and now I am struck with what my parents wanted me to do...or....I am stuck because my neighbor gave me a job while going to college and now I can't move on....or...I now have a family and moving jobs to fulfill my dreams would be crazy?

Where do we lose those dreams or the drive to be happy with work. Work is a must. It's the way we better ourselves and become closer to our Heavenly Father. want to know how? READ THIS!

I know there are many people out in the workforce world that love their jobs and are very grateful for them....is it there lOVE or passion? I don't know. Are they content with where they are?
So...the next questions is...if they aren't in their dream job...what is the force that makes them content with where they are in life?

I suppose we change. I guess life that surrounds us creates a new person in us and we begin to love other things. We find that as a college student singing is fun, but playing in your garage or for old peeps...don't pay the bills. Or we realize firefighting would be wonderful...but now your older...you can't stand being HOT.
Or creating graphic art would be wonderful...but your creative eye isn't really that good.

so..I suppose we just move on.

lots of random thoughts and a crazy post....but it was just on my mind.

A must Read...please!

I found this link off a friends blog and was touched by this post.
You must read it and pass it along and then try to see beyond the surface.
But, to me, more importantly...
teach our children that very thing.

IT'S SO IMPORTANT!

click here, it's worth it...I promise!

Our 1st 2011 visitors

Did I mentioned we had our first visit from the Parkinson's? What a great time. We love having them at our home...even though it's NEVER long enough.

Maybe next time you can leave all your responsibilities at home.
thanks for coming.

new years 1.5 months late

Hope your new years found you all well and healthy.
Here is what our Dec. 31st into Jan. 1st looked like.
Cheers!

Super Bowl 45

We had another great Super Bowl party at our home. It's always the same.

-Just us little Hallows.
-Home-made t-shirts. Where the the kids help design their own style.
-Luke makes the food (yum)
-We watch and cheer our teams on.
-Eat some sort of sugary dessert, this year root beer float and sundaes.

We had a split cheering section, this year.
Luke was cheering for the Steelers and to make him not feel sad about being the only one...we put Memphis in a Steelers shirt as well.

The rest of us were cheering for the Packers. The kids only cheered for them because I bribed them. And wasn't I the smart one? WE WON.
I must confess my reasoning behind my teams selections. LUke and I used to be big Favre fans....but with him being really lame lately...I picked the Packers because he wasn't there. It's twisted, I know.
I secretly, but not so secretly,  have a big place in my heart for MR. Heinz WArd....which isn't a Packers, but a Steeler! So, I had to cheer on the side for him. I am a fair-weather fan.
Cheering for those that are winning.

Past superbowl photos.

till next year.